Make This And Every Day A "Monster Squad" Day!

Ah! A fresh new morning -- and a slight cheerful afterglow in my brain from watching "Monster Squad" with Nick last night. The 2 disk, 20th anniversary dvd set came out this past week. I feel like I've been waiting for it for decades. The extras are very cool, including extended talks with Fred Dekker (director), who has had a hard time getting his career back in gear after "Monster Squad"'s initial poor showings at the box office, followed (unfortunately) by "Robocop 3", which also didn't do so well. But he seems genuinely encouraged by the "Monster Squad" fans who are pouring in from all corners of the planet.

The film has an edge to it that I never noticed until watching it with kids. Wasn't appropriate for Holly (age 3) -- too intense overall, except she was really getting into the monsters and pretending to hide under her blankie. Too scary for Sarah (age 6). Pretty much just right for Nicholas (age 10) -- except for the peculiar cussing in some spots. It's not that the curse words don't work -- they're pretty funny in a "Goonies" sort of way and fairly realistic in a "Christmas Story" sort of way -- but they really push the envelope a couple of times and you wonder who the movie is for. Kids? Teens? Adults? All three? As I say, I didn't notice this until I had to get in the habit of sectioning off films into "Ok for the kids" and "not OK". Ultimately, I guess the movie is for Fred Dekker. But they had trouble marketing the film, because parents were scared to take their kids to see it and teenagers thought it was too kiddie-oriented.

Anyhow, it's a hoot. Stan Winston's team did a magnificent job of recreating the Universal Studios monsters without actually recreating the Universal Studios monsters (avoiding trademark infringement, etc.). The script was shopped over to Universal first, but, true to form, they turned it down. As Universal Studios theme park attests, these guys have no idea of the untapped treasures in their film vault. Once, while visiting the Universal Studios theme park, I hurried across the park to catch a stage show featuring the classic monsters. No idea what to expect. A series of creepy vignettes featuring sizzling mad scientist lab equipment, shadowy castle interiors, the Black Forest? A tribute to Karloff, Lugosi, Chaney, Pierce, Browning, Whale, Strickfadden and other luminaries? Who knew? Then, over the loudspeaker, a radio-style voice shouted, "Ladies and gentlemen! Universal Studios theme park has TRANSFUNKIFIED the Universal Studios monsters!" The Bride of Frankenstein proceeded to belt out "You Make Me Feel Like a Natural Woman" while the Wolfman breakdanced (!) and Frankenstein eventually did an electric guitar solo. I was scandalized. The folks at Universal might just as well have hiked up their collective leg and pissed on a statue of Maria Ouspenskaya. Same difference. (Years later, the memory of TRANSFUNKIFICATION having abated slightly, I gave Universal Studios theme park another chance. This visit was, after all, during their Halloween celebration. How could they screw that up? Then, during their Halloween parade, a "Labyrinth" style Satan came rolling past on his throne. Dozens of parade watchers began to bow at the waist with their hands outstretched, while nubile satan-nymphs tossed Mardi Gras crap into the crowd. I yelled at the float, "Go to hell!" Just another day at Universal Studios theme park.)



Anyhow, back to "Monster Squad". Not that crazy about the actor who plays Dracula, but he's OK. The rest are marvelous. The fellow who plays the werewolf out-Chaneys Chaney in his regretful human state. The Creature from the Black Lagoon is marvelous. And the guy who plays the Mummy must weigh about fifty pounds soaking wet. Frankie is the highlight of the film. As I said back in Wonder magazine, it's as though a kid fell asleep while staring at his collection of Aurora monster models and had a "monster adventure" dream. The monsters often posture model-kit style; they seem aware of their icon status in a goofy sort of way.

The kids are uniformly great. And little Phoebe is a cool grown-up now, judging by the extras.

Well worth the outlay of about $16.

I'm afraid Kim Paffenroth has gotten me interested in zombie epics. Have any of you guys dared to venture forth into the world of direct-to-dvd zombie films? Nicholas, Holly, my brother, Chris, (he's doing better) and I went to MovieStop last night and there were several such films in the horror section. One somehow managed to claim it was a prequel to "Day of the Dead" (!) -- the title was "Day of the Dead: Contagion". Anybody seen it? Another was simply called "The Mad" and had Billy Zane fighting zombies. Then there was "Dead and Deader" which purported to be a "zomedy". Anyone able to offer a thumbs-up or -down?

"Dead Meat" I've seen and can actually recommend -- it hails from Ireland and is overall a fine entry in the zombie apocalypse genre (although it seems a tad pointless in the end). "The Stink of Flesh" is simply perverse -- though remarkably well made for a film budgeted at around $4,000. (I know, I know -- why was I watching a film called "The Stink of Flesh" in the first place?) And "Undead" is also pretty darned good. Hailing from Australia, "Undead" is one of those indie horror films that shoots for the moon despite its low budget. Like "Equinox", it just doesn't seem to shrink from any crazy notion that popped into the filmmakers' heads, regardless of technical difficulty. "Dead and Breakfast" (instead of Bed and Breakfast - get it?) was something of a letdown. But, hey, it wasn't as perverse as "The Stink of Flesh"!

Ah, Monster Squad... Thank goodness for Monster Squad.

Lint

P.S. I promise to get a new podcast up this very weekend. Let's see now... It's Saturday, 9:04 AM... That gives me... Um... At least a couple of hours...

Cornerstone Recovery Period (revised)

Well, I'm back from the razzle dazzle, contemplative meandering and goofy conversations that are, collectively, the Cornerstone Festival. As usual, I didn't listen to any of the bands.

HIGHLIGHTS:

Coming up with zombie jokes on a very tight deadline. Dave Canfield shows up at the Speakers Hospitality Trailer about thirty minutes before he has to perform as The Undead Comic and says, "Zombie jokes! I need zombie jokes!" My contribution: Why did the zombie dog cross the road? Answer: Brains! (You then proceed to ask other very familiar jokes with zombies clumsily inserted. The punchline is always "Brains!")

Hearing that a very smart little girl has read The Magic Eightball Test: A Christian Defense of Halloween and All Things Spooky about thirty times and uses it to defend her love of Harry Potter books.

Paul Leggett explaining how horror lit was censored during the Fifties to such a degree that The Hound of the Baskervilles went out of print. Sherlock Holmes? Out of print? Back then, Paul was a kid who spent several years asking "Do you by chance have The Hound of the Baskervilles?" in every bookstore he could find. Now he has a collection of Hound of the Baskervilles editions from various countries. In your face, Fifties!

Mike Hertenstein's wistful observations regarding the conflict between "no place like home" and "over the rainbow" / "the real world" and "Shangri-La" / "Pottersville" and "Bedford Falls". I missed the second session. From what I hear Mike was working in his theories about Apollo and Dionysus, but wasn't finished theorizing yet. I am hoping he will keep at it. History has taught me to steer clear of the Dionysian, but Mike may bring me around.

Having the annual conversation about how we need to collect these Imaginarium seminars in a book so they don't go to waste. Let's do this thang!

John Morehead's "damn the torpedoes" approach to his seminar on contextualization, syncretism and missiology. John has moved from a Kingdom of the Cults approach -- "You're a cult member! Now hold still while I tell you all about it." -- to a Neighboring Faiths approach -- "You like french fries. I like french fries. Come, let us reason together you and I." Contextualization is simply working out the most effective context for communication, given that you are bringing the Gospel to a different culture. This involves learning indigenous customs, manners, symbols, etc. not merely to "spin" the Gospel in the guise of that culture, but to draw upon truths in that culture which correspond to truths in Christian theology. A genuine conversation with the culture, not camouflage. St. Paul's Mars Hill encounter with Greek philosophers is, of course, a perfect example.

Asking around to see if mass was held on-site and finding that, though everyone was sure there was one, nobody had any idea where or when. So I ended up rushing from my session at 4pm Saturday to get to the Transportation Tent, hopping a van, convincing the driver to take me into Macomb, going to 5:15 pm mass, then walking back to the hotel. Worn out, I missed saying goodbye to everyone, as well as the Imaginarium showing of Robot Monster. Boo freakin' hoo! If they ask me back again next year, I really have to get the logistics worked out ahead of time. Saw a family of raccoons though.

Eating vegetarian food. Very yummy. I never would have believed it.

Kim Paffenroth's seminars on All Things Zombie. Kim is coming at this as a recent convert to horror movie fandom. He was an academic before he became a fan. And so far his exploration of monstermovieness has focused on zombie fliks. Which makes for a lot of very interesting insights, such as comparing Romero's films to different "bolgias" of Dante's inferno. I am in the process of reading his book on the subject, Gospel of the Living Dead: George Romero's Visions of Hell on Earth. And Mr. Paffenroth's zombie apocalypse novel--ambitious fellow, ain't he?--is coming up next. Or maybe I'll switch and read the novel first. Anyhow, the novel is titled Dying to Live. Also, apparently the popularity of zombies has not abated. Kim's sessions were packed wall to wall, shambling room only.

Dealing with piddly turn-out for Imaginarium sessions not related to zombies. I think we need to advertise around the festival grounds with little postcards or posters or something. Or somehow connect every seminar with zombies. "Six degrees of separation from zombie Kevin Bacon." That sort of thing.

Telling people what my seminar was about. People ask "What are you speaking on?" And I answer "Kitsch." And they stare at me. More staring. I can read their minds. They are thinking "Has he got a fur ball stuck in his throat?" I repeat "Kitsch!" They think "He definitely has a fur ball caught in his throat."

Seeing a little of what goes on in the Flickerings zone of the festival. Got to watch most of a movie called Train_man: Densha Otoko. A comedy about geek love in Japan. Highly recommended.

The Atlanta airport wanting 8 bucks to let you on their wi-fi! 8 bucks!

Feeling sad that my family wasn't there! The kids really enjoy Dave's S.T.A.K.E. meetings (Society for the Termination of All Kinds of Evil -- I think). I really enjoy the kids. Plus, it's fun when Susan hangs out in the Speaker Hospitality Trailer.

Scratching my head in amazement during the Imaginarium Talent Show. We had yo-y0 tricks, a real live opera singer dude, Dave as The Undead Comic ("Brains!"), more yo-yo tricks, a guy doing an At the Dentist's Office routine from a Bill Cosby album, a girl reciting funny lines from real live people at her real live job at Fazoli's ("Like, you know that movie where that woman gets possessed when she wakes up at exactly 3 o'clock at night? You guys! I woke up at 3 o'clock last night! Do you think I'm possessed? I mean, like, maybe the demons are taking their time!"), more yo-yo tricks, and a fellow who sang the entirety of "Bohemian Rhapsody" with mucho audience participation. And some yo-yo tricks.

Reciting I Corinthians 1:27 in my Bela Lugosi voice during my seminar. (Starts slow -- "God-duh chowse de foooolish tings ov dee verld"-- then builds to a spittle producing teeth gnashing rendition of "and de DESPISED tings!")

I'll be recording the sessions as ghidorah podcasts. So stay tuned!

Kitsch!

Ahh! The podcast! She is here!

I am sitting here having just watched The Five Obstructions and now preparing to watch Dolls. So from Lars Von Trier to Charles Band. I do strange things when the family has gone down to Florida to see the in-laws.

The new podcast, OCD Tips & Tricks part 2, is up and running, so all of you OCD sufferers out there can breathe a collective sigh of relief. I want a massive wave of healing graces to spread across the land and a sudden rapid drop in OCD misery. You got that people?! Now get on it! Stat!

Oop! Stranded travellers are approaching an ominous mansion and Brian Yuzna's tongue is planted firmly in cheek. Gotta go.

Prayers please for the upcoming Cornerstone Festival. Thanks, guys. As usual, the podcast is available on iTunes or you can download it with this link.

Stay Tuned...

The second part of the OCD podcast is nearing completion! Actually, it would be complete already except that I lost a chunk of it while sliding sections of dialogue around in GarageBand 1.0. The result? I got the new GarageBand.

Much mental sweat has been expended on the upcoming seminar for Imaginarium 07 at the ever exciting Cornerstone Festival. I work my proverbial butt off on these things, I tell ya! As Flannery O'Connor said, if you have only rewritten it three times it probably isn't any good yet.

My topic is "Kitsch" and I have divided the three part seminar as follows: 1) Kitsch-The Absurdity of Belief, 2) Kitsch-The Three-legged Dog, and 3) Kitsch-The Friendly Prehistoric Carnivore. Seminar numero uno gets into the relationship between Enlightenment thinking, the avant-garde, and kitsch, since I discovered, much to my surprise, that the term "kitsch" came into broad academic usage back in the early 20th century when art critics like Clement Greenberg and Hermann Broch set up a sort of Zeitgeist War between the fine arts and kitsch. For these guys, fine arts was synonymous with the avant-garde. Kitsch, in their view, consisted of 1) the growing presence of mass produced, mass marketed popular culture (which they despised) and 2) any (and I mean ANY) art which gave off a whiff of the Age of Faith. Inspired by the beauty of nature? Forget it. Desirous to pursue figure painting as fine art? Nope. Religous themes? Nah. Passion, emotion, suffering, anything drawn from common experience? Are you kidding? Simply put, it was considered no longer possible to produce fine art from this sort of subject matter. In fact, "subject matter" itself was tossed out the window in favor of utter, impenetrable abstraction.

All of which is interesting, but not what I think of when I think of kitsch. So I had to figure out how to cover this material while also discussing movies that are "so bad they're good" (Plan Nine, Robot Monster), Cheez Whiz, lawn flamingos, beehive hairdos, black velvet paintings, and devotional accessories like Leonardo's "Last Supper" glued to a slice of cypress knee and sealed within three inches of shellac.

I hope to get the 2nd part of the OCD thing in the bag and still have time to record one of these seminars as an excuse me, ghidorah episode before Cornerstone week (last week of June). Also, with the new GarageBand, I should be able to include stills from bad movies, etc. for those of you with photo or video ipods. And chapters!

Say some prayers for me and for Cstone, will you? Le bad cinema is a subcategory of psychotronic films and other subcategories include sexploitation, mondo films, etc. So, much as I love bad movies, B movies, blaxploitation, sword-and-sandal, K. Gordon Murray imports, and so on, I wouldn't want to introduce someone to the lofty pleasures of watching Plan Nine from Outer Space only for that someone to embrace the unsavory stuff, too. For most folks, it's all "of a piece", as they say. A Christian, however, has to exercise spiritual discernment and restraint or else he'll find himself watching Ilsa, She Wolf of the SS when the Lord returns. (Kind of an embarassing situation.) Although, where do you draw the line? Gotta be responsible adults, right? But what about the "weaker brother", right? Hmmm... Prayers, people! Prayers!

Technical Difficulties Solved

A big apology to you iTunes users out there who attempted to download the new episode and kept getting the previous Halloween show instead. Problem solved. It works now!

FYI: if you use Feeder to publish your podcast, don't make a copy of the previous episode and use it as a "template" for the new one. (Thought I was being clever, I did.) The unique ID of that previous episode will tag along. Though your new episode will appear in the iTunes store, it will not update for those who already subscribe to your podcast. The previous episode will keep showing up, saying, "You rang?" Mea culpa, friends.

Back In The Saddle Again

Those of you who wait with barely restrained glee for the next excuse me, ghidorah podcast (all four of you) will be pleased to know a new episode is now available for download. Just go to iTunes, podcastalley, or click this here link.

Or in TV parlance: "Tonight... on a very special episode of... excuse me, ghidorah."

It's a highly personal episode about my own wrestling match with OCD (that's Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and I think I manage to pull it off with smart-alecky aplomb. OCD can be, as they say in medical talk, "a crippling disease" which can have a devastating effect on one's "overall quality of life". I have found that while OCD is caused by faulty wiring (I'm convinced of that), there are ways to outsmart it. In fact, much of the distress it causes can be traced to a single mental trick -- a trick which OCD folks fall for time after time. So please, if you or anyone you love or anyone you hate suffers from OCD, download the show and get them to listen. I really think it will be helpful. Heck, for all I know, people who suffer from various sorts of mental illness may find it helpful -- since the overall effect I am shooting for is "coping...with style".

Those of you familiar with the TV series Monk will probably by now have envisioned me triple and quadruple checking that my car keys aren't locked in the car, refusing to share lip balm simply because there's a hair on it (and a mole -- I think I see a mole), and arranging all my pencils and pens at clean right angles, all while solving a murder or two. Well, it doesn't actually work like that. I would probably be fine with the lip balm. I only check once or twice for car keys. And I limit my crime fighting to misdemeanors. ("Pick that litter up, mister! That's right. Nice and slow...")

My variety of OCD isn't as visible and quirky and colorful as all that. It all happens between my two ears and it's truly horrible when it's running at full steam. On the other hand, I discovered you can teach your disorder to do Stupid OCD Tricks. So there is a bright side.

"But, Lint," you ask, "what has this to do with the usual contents of excuse me, ghidorah?" Well, the goal of this podcast is to come up with creative ways to sneak past the dragon. As St. Cyril said, "We go to the Father of Souls, but it is necessary to pass by the dragon." Suffering and illness are among the things that may potentially trip us up. It's all about your perspective, your expectations. If you have a theology of the cross in your head, you're not made bitter against God (and pals with the dragon) when trouble comes. But even knowing about the cross doesn't actually help you to carry it. That's where coping skills come into play. We all need creative coping skills or when trouble comes we will snap like a twig.

IN OTHER NEWS: An interview with yours truly will appear some time soon on Taylor Kent's podcast, Snark Infested Waters. Taylor is also known as The Snarky Avenger. Given the intrepid nature of his podcast, I thought capitalizing the "T" in "The" as in "The Batman" is only appropriate. Here's the RSS feed address: http://www.snarkyavenger.com/rsspodcast

CAWNAHSTONE: The revamped website for the 2007 Imaginarium is up and it is a doozy. You must check it out. No, I insist. You must. Here is the link: http://www.cornerstonefestival.com/imaginarium

I will be presenting a three part seminar called "The Aisle of Misfit Toys: Kitsch, Irony and Innocence". Of course, that material will eventually find its way to excuse me, ghidorah, but wouldn't you rather hear it in person somewhere in the middle of Illinois in a tent filled with Christian geeks?

Also featured in the Imaginarium: Mike Hertenstein on "Hollywood & The Fifties: A Love-Hate Relationship", Kim Paffenroth on the redeemable aspects of Romero's zombie fllm franchise (that oughta be interesting), Jeff Gundy on Magical Realism, Paul Nethercott on otaku / J-Pop / hikikomori, plus a whole lot more. And what Imaginarium would be complete without Paul Leggett providing Criterion-quality commentary on a slew of cool movies? Plus, we'll be showing the Korean horror film, The Host! Plus, the not nearly as Korean film, Robot Monster! Plus, Don Glut's autobiographical docudrama, "I Was A Teenage Monster Movie Maker!"

All aboard! Next stop - the Cornerstone festival by way of Hackinsack, Salem's Lot and Kookamunga!

Halloween-A-Go-Go

Our Halloween spooktacular commences with an excerpt from The Magic Eightball Test: A Christian Defense of Halloween and All Things Spooky (read by the author). Actually, just before that you'll get some first hand info about the Fundamentalist backlash against the book. Right-click (PC) or Control-click (Mac) on the title to this post to download the mp3. Or take a look at iTunes or podcastalley.com -- it should show up there pretty soon.

The Fundie backlash was exactly as fun as it sounds. Just let those words fall trippingly across the tongue: Fun-da-men-ta-list back-lash. Perhaps there is a ride at the Georgia State Fair by the same name. "Hey, Mama! I'm gonner go for a ride on the Fundamentalist Backlash!"

If you want a more complete report, hit this link. It will download the press kit for The Magic Eightball Test, which includes an article about said backlash ("Fun-da-men-ta-list back-lash-uh"), as well as many other treats for curious souls like yourself. To order the book for the mere pittance of $12.95, head to this order page. (For even MORE info, if you can stand it, head to www.hambangers.com.)

This is the first episode in which excuse me, ghidorah? acts as a shill for that nefarious publishing concern, Hambangers Junction. That's right -- THE Hambangers Junction. The one your Grandpappy told you stories about while you drifted off to sleep and in that awful Gabby Hayes voice of his: "Yessir, don't let nobody tell ya different. That Hambangers Junction is out there, in the dark, in the trees...all spooky-like."

Okay, the caffeine is wearing off and I can behave normally -- or at least provide a reasonable facsimile thereof.

Hambangers Junction is the name of a publishing company started by yours truly ("Lint Hatcher... pleased to meetcha!"). The plan is to put Apocalypse on Aisle 4, for example, the podcasting of which comprises the first three episodes of excuse me, ghidorah?, into print. Likewise, things like a Monster Fan 2000 Compendium, and perhaps a Roadside America book, and even perhaps a book about Michael Polanyi, the moral imagination (not what you think it is), and the aforementioned Fundamentalist rejection of festivals like Halloween.
Exciting, ain't it?

So, from now on, this is the official podcast of said publishing concern. Which means nothing will change at all. So don't worry about it.

Some Halloween notes for those of you who scan the airwaves for cool stuff to record on the old Tivo:

On Turner Classic Movies
Plan 9 from Outer Space -- hosted by Rob Zombie -- Friday, Oct. 13, 2 am
Bride of the Monster -- ditto -- Friday, Oct. 13, 3:30 am
The Testament of Dr. Mabuse -- one of my all time favorite films -- Sunday, Oct. 15, 2 am
Vampyr -- another stop, drop, and roll favorite of mine -- Friday, Oct. 20, 10:30 pm
Kwaidan -- early (and lavish) example of Asian horror -- Sunday, Oct. 22, 2 am
Alfred Hitchcock interviewed by Dick Cavett -- Monday, Oct. 23, 12:45 pm
The Walking Dead -- Karloff film directed by Michael Curtiz -- Friday, Oct. 27, 10:30 pm
Eyes Without A Face -- haven't seen this one yet -- Sunday, Oct. 29, 2 am
Freaks -- my first viewing of this Tod Browning film -- Oct. 31, 6 am

There are several top notch Val Lewton films also included in the TCM lineup. Hop over to their website and check out the October schedule.

Also, here are some other film titles you might do a search for online or with the old Tivo (many of which I have never seen -- so let the scryer beware):
Thralls, Thirteen Women, Warning Sign, Daughter of the Mind, The Cave, Creature Unknown, The Other, It Waits, Miners Massacre, Larva, Mad Love, Madhouse, Octane, Premonition, Night Must Fall, Necronomicon, Rest Stop

Maybe TCM will reshow Goke, which I missed, and the London After Midnight montage thingee, which I missed for about the third year in a row!

Please feel free to post your comments. Happy Halloween!